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WORD! Troll Patrol: Make Your Own Michael Kors Quote

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In Troll Patrol, I bring you comments of great insight or ignorance posted on the great anonymous equalizer known as the Internets. This time I introduce to you, “Make Your Own Michael Kors Quote,” a Facebook Group that I started and is free for everyone to join. Basically, this began because a friend and I noticed there is kind of an equation to the way Michael Kors disses the contestants on “Project Runway.” This top-secret calculus formula is as follows:

“SHE LOOKS LIKE…..
(undesirable job) + (strange place or activity)” = MICHAEL KORS QUOTE

Here is an example of a recent quote from “Project Runway” that Michael Kors said, “She looks like a Victorian cocktail waitress in Las Vegas.” See, THE EQUATION WORKS!

Now that we have cracked this unfathomably difficult Da Vinci Code, my friends and users have made some hysterical quotes:

“She looks like a Jiffy Lube mechanic in Saskatchewan after a night on the town. And that hair IS CRAZY!”

‎”She looks like a crumpled cocktail napkin from an irish bar on the night that gay marriage passed.”

“She looks like a Wal-Mart cashier who bungee jumped off the clearance rack.”

‎”Unless you are going to a Joan Crawford St. Patty’s Day Party, who is wearing that blouse?”

“She looks like a locker room attendant at a twenty-four hour gymnasium in Sao Paulo’s red-light district.”

“She looks like a teenage yogurt shop worker at a vodka convention! And the hair is CRAZY!”

“Heidi looks like the graveyard shift hostess at a Lady Miss Kier theme restaurant in the suburbs of Amsterdam.” (via Dlisted)

“She looks like a drag queen in a Kansas City gay bar.”

“She looks like she runs a meth lab in Independence, Missouri!”

“She LOOKS like she is running the NYC Marathon in ‘chaps’ from the show Green Acres & ouch that cant be good for her last wax job @ BLISS!!”

“She looks like a taxi dancer in Tierra del Fuego.”

“She looks like a chimney sweeper in Panama.”

My personal happy moment running “Make Your Own Michael Kors Quote” was when present “Project Runway” contestant, Viktor Luna, gave us a good quote!

“She’s a little Shirley MacLaine circa 1957 playing a part of a hooker with a heart of GOLD!!!!” (Beijos to Viktor!)

I think the best quote is by one Mr. Ben Ryan who made the epic Michael Kors quote. Mr. Ryan has had the distinct pleasure of seeing THE MICHAEL KORS falling down drunk on the streets of New York City. It doesn’t get more glamorous than that:

“For one, it’s too matchy-matchy. For two, she looks like Doris Day circa 1961, meets Sophia Loren in the French Rivera, if Joan Crawford had done the accessorizing. It’s so Versace 1991, with all the Technicolor, but none of the splash. She looks like someone who came out of Twilo circa 1997, so high on ecstasy she doesn’t know she’s wearing a dish rag. So 1950s suburban housewife meets Guns n Roses circa 1987, but with none of the edge.”

Thank you to all my fabulous Michael Kors quote creators! Let’s make some more! This season of “Project Runway” is really heating up!! If you haven’t now please join the group MAKE YOUR OWN MICHAEL KORS QUOTE. And buy my fucking book already!!

Support Impossibly Glamorous! You can do so by purchasing my book Impossibly Glamorous in paperback or digital. Find it on Barnes & Noble, Amazon and just about everywhere! Play with me on Twitter @kingcharles0921


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